Together
by Junebugsm
Summary: What would Stef say to Lena if she hadn't found out whether or not she had cancer but was called in to meet the doctor instead?


**What would Stef say to Lena if she hadn't found out whether or not she had cancer but was called in to meet the doctor instead?**

(A conversation between Stef and Lena in the garage, only this time the doctor didn't give Stef the results over the phone in **Lucky** ( **310** )

* * *

"What's wrong?" Lena asked as she entered the garage.

Stef looked up at her wife and for the first time she saw something different. She loved the woman standing in front of her more than anything in the world and all she wanted for her was the best and if she couldn't be that then maybe it was a good thing that Monty had come along.

It was killing Stef. Not the cancer - that may be killing her too but it was the fact that maybe she was losing Lena that was killing her more and if she didn't have Lena then maybe the cancer was a good thing too.

"Stef." Lena prompted when Stef had been quiet for too long.

"You said you liked the attention that Monty gave you." Stef began and Lena's face instantly dropped when she realized that this still wasn't over.

Lena wished that they could put this whole thing behind them and just move on but Stef just wouldn't let it go. She remained silent and waited for Stef to finish her train of thought.

"And I know I haven't been paying as much attention to you as I used to or should have." Stef continued.

Lena began to worry a little about where Stef was going with this. It didn't sound like Stef was going to forgive her for the kiss or for keeping it a secret or apologize to her for not paying enough attention to her - Stef wasn't the type to drag out an apology or an accusation for this long.

"If this is what you want..." Stef said, almost unable to even finish the sentence. "if _she's_ what you want." She finally managed. "Then that's okay." She finished as tears filled her eyes as she eventually looked up at Lena.

All Lena could do was remain standing in complete shock. Was Stef giving up on her or was she hinting that she herself was leaving?

"I want you to be happy." Stef continued when Lena didn't answer and Stef could understand that it might have come as a shock to her wife. "And if I can't be the one to make you happy then you deserve to be with someone who does" She said and while she meant every word, it was still hurting her more than she'd ever hurt before.

"You _do_ make me happy." Lena assured as she quickly made her way over to Stef, knelt in front of her and took her hands. "Honey, I made a mistake. I thought I was protecting you, protecting _us_ when I kept it from you. I never meant to hurt you and I know that you're angry and you have every right to be but just because of one kiss doesn't mean that I don't love you or that you don't make me happy."

Stef looked at Lena wondering whether or not she'd be saying these things if she knew what Stef had to eventually tell her.

"I learned something from being married to Mike." Stef said. "Pretending that you love someone, lying to yourself for the sake of your kids or society or whatever doesn't work." Stef's eyes were turning redder and redder as she was losing control of her emotions but she just had to go on so instead of looking Lena in the eye she shifted her gaze a little higher to her forehead and continued. "The only way to be happy is to be honest with yourself so if Monty is what you want, if you and I are no longer what you need then..."

But Lena put a stop to her rant before she was able to finish. "I don't want Monty." Lena stated clearly. "I don't want anything except what we already have. I want you and I want our kids to host our fortieth anniversary one day and that's all I'll ever want. She gestured in the general direction of the door towards the party going on outside.

"Are you sure?" Stef asked.

"Yes, Stef." Lena said firmly, wondering why Stef didn't seem to believe her.

"Even with the ups and downs?" Stef confirmed, looking down in the small space between them.

Lena tightened her hold on Stef's hands and moved closer so she was kneeling right between Stef's legs so Stef had nowhere to look but at her. "Honey, I want _us_. I'm fighting _for_ us. I want to get passed this. I want you to be able to talk to me again and look at me again."

"I want that too." Stef admitted in a small voice as she looked at Lena briefly.

"Good, because I can't live without you." Lena smiled, thinking things were finally looking up but a certain look that flashed across Stef's face for just a moment made her realize that there was something more. "If it's Monty you're still worried about then don't." Lena continued. "Even she knows that I have no feelings for her. I love you and that's all that matters. I only work with her. That's it."

"No, that's not it." Stef stopped her.

But Lena misunderstood. "That _is_ it." She said firmly.

"No." Stef stopped her again. "I believe you. I just mean that's not..." But she didn't know how to say it. "That's not what I meant. I..." She tried again but still couldn't find the words to explain.

"What is it?" Lena asked, her face filled with concern and that's what finally gave Stef the strength to say what she needed to.

"Well, I wanted to wait until I knew something for sure but, um, I had to get a second mammogram because I guess they saw something in the first one." Stef said, choking slightly on the words as she watched as Lena's face went from concern to fear and worry.

"Why didn't you tell me this?" Lena asked firmly. Yes, they were fighting and yes Stef was angry with her but this wasn't just some minor detail - this literally could mean life or death.

"Because I didn't want to worry you." Stef answered predictably. "And..." She let out a breath as she decided to be honest. "Because I didn't want to need you because I'm mad, I'm really mad, I'm so... I was..." She trailed off, breaking down slightly.

"What did they say?" Lena asked after a moment. As much as she hated hearing how upset Stef was and wanted to reassure her, she just needed to know the results.

"I have to go in tomorrow and find out the answer." Stef said. "It's probably bad." She admitted. "They don't call you all the way there to give you good news."

"You can't think like that." Lena said, shaking her head at the thought. "Maybe they just call everyone in."

Stef smiled sadly at Lena. As much as she wanted to believe that she knew it wasn't the case.

Lena could see the conflict on Stef's face and she too realized that she was probably wrong. Tears filled her eyes as she got up to sit beside Stef and and hug her. All she needed was to have Stef in her arms and have Stef's arms around her. It was the only place she always felt absolutely safe. And that though led to the most terrifying fear she'd ever felt. What if the number of times she's be in those arms was coming to an end? What if they hadn't been able to work things out and Stef had to do this all alone.

And suddenly, just like that, Lena realized what Stef had tried to do and though she was still scared and worried and relieved that they had at least made up she was angry.

"So that's what all this was about?" Lena asked somewhat angrily as she pulled away from the embrace. "Telling me it was okay to be with Monty if that's what I wanted was your way of giving me an out?"

Stef looked at Lena but remained silent. She had no answer because that's exactly what it was. If Lena wanted out then this was the time to let her go. It wasn't fair to her to drag her through this if she didn't even want to be with her in the first place.

"I had a right to know about this Stef." Lena continued her rant. "I'm your wife and fighting or not, I had a right to know. Even if I chose to leave, I had a right to know what I was leaving."

"I was just trying to protect you." Stef said softly, knowing that it wasn't going to make Lena feel any better.

"So what? You'd give me my divorce and then tell me?" Lena snapped. "Or would you keep it from me even then?"

"Lena." Stef begged so softly it was barely audible. She knew Lena wan't really angry, more afraid but still, she had a point. She'd made a mistake. She'd thought she was protecting her wife but she should have known that Lena was strong enough for this. She was always strong whenever Stef broke down. It may not have been often but it was how it had always been - they took their turns. But right now she needed Lena's support.

Lena's face instantly softened. Now wasn't the time to fight - no matter what had happened or how angry they were - this wasn't the time to prove a point. "We really need to stop trying to protect each other and just be honest." Lena said with a soft smile.

Stef smiled back. It wasn't easy. She loved Lena so much that she'd do anything to protect her and she understood that it was the same for Lena as well.

"We are strong and we have gotten through so much and we can get through this too." Lena said encouragingly. "We will go in tomorrow and find out exactly what we're dealing with and we'll battle it together, you and me just like we always do. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." She put hands around Stef's neck firmly, showing her that she was strong enough to help her through this.

"You're sure this is what you want? Even with this?" Stef asked again though her voice broke as she spoke. Now that Lena knew all the details she just had to give her one last chance to walk away.

But instead of answering with words Lena leaned in and kissed Stef hard on the lips and as Stef broke down completely she held her tight as her own tears spilled over.

"I can't do this without you." Stef admitted honestly, so grateful that Lena was choosing to stay.

"You don't have to." Lena said, letting go of the fact that Stef was still asking her that question. "You never have to, and neither do I." She said, leaning back to smile at Stef but never letting go of her.

And with that Stef knew that no matter what bad news she found out tomorrow or in the years to come she would get through because with Lena by her side there was nothing that they couldn't do.

* * *

 **Author's Note** :

This will not turn into a full story - there are enough stories of someone having cancer. It's just a one-shot of what Stef might have said had the doctor called her in instead of giving her the results over the phone.

Enjoy,

Love Junebug


End file.
